The first year in animation felt difficult. I learnt to manage different projects and homework, which I have done before. Although, foundation made me lazy and complacent. In fact, I consider foundation one of many major aspects of my downward spiral of creativity. I am not bitching about this, because the biggest factor is me. I don’t go out of my way to strive to learn and I never have. Sadly, that was an attitude that I had kept whilst going through primary and secondary school. This year was great for many reasons and the main reason was an still is, I figured out who I am.
I figured out what type of person I am, how I work and my needs and desires. I have always been a person who likes to think. I like to be told what to do and to be shown how to do it. Foundation, on the other hand, screwed me up in terms of what the fuck I am supposed to do with my life. Mentally, I was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. My overthinking took over. This made it hard to take in to account what the tutors where saying. They aren’t to blame, as my 12 year old self would want them to be. I am to blame. I should have written down what was being said, I did but I didn’t go back to read. In spite of writing things down, I believe at some point I chose to forget on purpose, rebelling and saying “screw you”. Yet I don’t know why.
I noticed I stopped writing down useful information later in semester one and I slowly started to lose interest in the classes. I felt hopeless in life drawing, hopeless with drawing drawing, hopeless at writing and mainly just hopeless. But that was me thinking that way. I have unresolved mental issues that I found out this year too, but I am not going to go into them because I am not looking for sympathy or a reason for my attitude to learning. But the overthinking part was out of control.
At first I thought it was Conann not liking me, but I didn’t take it to heart and all of his criticisms where welcome, even though others deemed them as a bit harsh. I was used to it. Yeah, I made jokes about it and was sarcastic like “Oh Conanns not gonna like this cause its a bit depressing. Classic Dom, he he”. But they where jokes. Was he hard on my team? Yes, More than once. Did we deserve it? Yes. More than once. But I still didn’t listen because I was shitting myself and had a mini 12th in my head. Safe to say, Conann from the start, made me lose a colon. But, that isn’t a remark on him. I met him a few times outside and they where jokes galore, he even talked about me to his girlfriend when he looked at my work one Friday. You know, cause I never go fucking home. Yeah, our ideologies clashed. Yes, as thinkers and designers we have a different approach. But for some reason I chose not to take some information into consideration. I was being one sided. A problem I have had for years. But it only appears if a teacher, tutor, or speaker starts to teach me something. Its not a remark on them at all, its me.
Breaking the habit
I broke away from this stupid inconsiderate belief bit by bit from the start of the second semester. Overthinking was worse and it made teams very difficult. There where a few decisions I made when I was in groups that I deem damaging. I later found out that it only damaged me. I made stupid choices because I went with my head instead of my gut. This threw the groups I was in, under the bus at times. Well so I still believe.
Following this I did more research when I could. But, I do not know where to as it was too open ended.
Yes, I do not agree with the way this year was run tutor, class and hour wise. That is not on me or the tutors trying to fix and do their best